In this post, I want to give some of the main categories for why people leave church. I won't do much by way of commentary on any of them, but in the days that follow, I'll look at some of these issues in a deeper way. These categories are not exhaustive. In fact, I've tried to narrow them down. There may be some important ones that I missed. Some of them may not be the best description. This is just my way to group the dozens and dozens of reasons why people leave a church and why some Quit Church altogether.
ONE:
The church is toxic, abusive, deeply dysfunctional, controlling, authoritative...
Get out of there fast.
TWO:
Theological disagreements and differences. This is a wide category and I load into it other issues as well. Core values, political ideologies, philosophical approaches. In spiritual terms, this would be disagreements about the nature of the "wine" of the Gospel. Or if disagreement is too strong, personal preference is a good one.
THREE:
Style and methodology issues of endless varieties. Whether it is preaching styles, worship styles, church growth strategies, church organizational ways, evangelism styles, etc. In biblical terms, this is often disagreements about preferred "wineskins." And boy do we have strong preferences. And that is okay. What we do about those preferences is another matter.
FOUR:
Generational differences. At the least, these always involve the issues in number three - style and methodology. With our modern - postmodern divide that is upon us, they usually involved issues in number two as well - theology and values. I really understand this and sympathize with it as well.
FIVE:
Institutional renewal is needed. Or to say it this way, renewal of the church that has become institutional is needed. What will that renewal look like? Even those who are "in house' and "in agreement" on theology and methodology in a particular church may realize that renewal is needed. The wine and wineskins need renewal, spiritual energy poured into them. And yet, sometimes the church that needs renewed, resists this renewal. (I'll talk about this one tomorrow.)
SIX:
My needs aren't being met. Okay, pick one. Pick a half dozen. You have them. The church isn't doing enough about them. You leave to find a church that will. And if there is a sexier, edgier, cooler, bigger, smaller, church that will - you leave to find it.
SEVEN:
What the church isn't doing. Sometimes we are satisfied with what the church is doing, but our dissatisfaction is about what the church is not doing that we believe it should be. I may like the preaching, I may like the singles group that I am a part of, but i am also passionate about social justice and radical service of the inner city poor, and my church isn't doing that. I want a church that is. So, the good stuff that I like, isn't enough. There is other good stuff that isn't taking place.
EIGHT:
I am bored. Been there, done that, heard that idea, yup, heard that sermon before, done the small group thing, tried adult Sunday School, worked in the youth program, blah, blah, blah, blah... By the way, this is a real issue and it is very real for what I call "middle age Christianity." After you have followed Christ for about 20 years... it is hard for church to be fresh. I recently taught on this theme to a group of Christ followers, most of whom had been Christians for 20+ years. There were a lot of nodding heads. More on this one soon.
NINE:
Personal life choices that I make that are bad. I am sleeping with my boyfriend. The pastor preached against this. I don't like that. I am out of here. (or) The pastor and elders told me I don't have grounds for divorce, but they don't understand, who are they to tell me what God's will is. I am out of here. (or) The church tells me I should tithe. I have no interest in doing that. I don't want to feel guilty. I don't like the pressure. I am out of here. (or) I don't want to forgive that person who hurt me... I don't want to serve... I don't want to... and I do want to do what I want to do. I need a church that is more tolerant of my lifestyle choices. And when the church isn't tolerant and willing to pretend that you are justified in your bad choices... people easily leave. I could tell you endless stories of people who left the church and behind it was a wrecked life due to their bad choices for which they were unrepentant.
TEN:
Our culture's relentless pressure that is shaping us into people who are not easily capable of deep, covenantal commitments. We are the quintessential customers and consumers. Add in to that the personal narcissism that we are encouraged to have and live out of... and that makes covenantal commitment pretty hard. Not to mention sacrificial service on behalf of others. Not to mention patience, forbearance, forgiveness and a whole lot more necessary stuff for doing community and life together.
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There are probably some other MAJOR categories, but this is what I came up with. Some of these are good, some are bad and some are just ugly. Often, there are multiple reasons involved for leaving a church. I'll try to navigate some of these in the days to come.
Brian K. Rice
Leadership ConneXtions International
www.lci.typepad.com